Every Parent wants their child(ren) to learn to take care of themselves… to whatever degree is possible. Each of us learns what our needs are and how to meet them through our lived experiences, but it can be harder to put the pieces together using an autistic brain.
There’s one basic never-ending goal for every human: to get our personal needs met in whatever way that makes sense to us. For example, we all need water. As an infant we learn to get our need for water met by screaming when we’re thirsty. Our need for water persists throughout out our lives … … water at different stages of life. . How Additionally, People using an Autistic Brain can clearly show us the challenges they can endure while simply meeting their need of getting water. Image being at the park and realizing you forgot to pack the person’s red plastic water bottle… and you only packed your Perrier water that comes in a green glass bottle. The situation could lead to a major meltdown … because the person needed water … and the green glass bottle “didn’t make sense.”
There are two basic questions that are always true for all of us regarding how we get our personal needs met:
- What needs require support from others to meet?
- What needs can we rely solely on ourselves to meet?
The Whole Self Center Understanding
People with autism live their lives using a uniquely “wired” brain, and they must learn to meet their needs while learning to cope with, and in many cases endure, everyday experiences that are very ordinary to others with a neurotypical brain.
Here’s an example of an everyday situation that both a person using a neurotypical brain and a person using autistic brain might experience.
Completing chores such as cleaning up after themselves can help children develop a sense of accomplishment, confidence, responsibility, and self-reliance. Completing chores may also help them practice skills that can be used in a job setting as an adult. An example of a chore is to ask a child to take their dish to the sink.
Consider if you instructed a 10-year-old child with autism to put their dish in the sink, they may respond to your instruction in a variety of ways and they may need varying degrees of support from you to learn how to complete this skill as shown below in 4 different situations.
FIRST SITUATION
You gave an Initial Instruction
Verbal
“Put your dish in the sink”
HE DID NOT
Follow Instructions
but instead he:
Hit his own forehead
Ran around the table
Stared at the window
Played with his sensory toy
Tapped on the dish
Scripted SpongeBob Lines
Threw silverware
Tapped his foot
SO: YOU TRIED A VARIETY OF WAYS TO GET HIM TO PUT THE DISH IN THE SINK.
YOU:
Pointed to dish
Told him to put the dish in the sink again,
Picked up the dish and took it to the sink and put it in the sink to show him how it’s done … and then you put the dish back on the table for him to do it.
Put your hand over his hand and picked up the dish with him and walked him to the sink and put it in the sink with him.
HE NEEDED FULL SUPPORT
HE NEEDED TO BE TOLD
AND
GIVEN SUPPORT/PROMPTING TO COMPLETE THE SKILL
In the First Situation can we agree the best outcome is the person would accept your help and follow through on your instruction/request/reminder to put the dish in the sink?
The most challenging response the person could be to continue to behave in ways to avoid following your request.
SECOND SITUATION
You gave an Initial Instruction
Verbal
“Put your dish in the sink”
HE DID
Follow Instructions
He took the dish to the sink and put it in the sink
YOU DIDN’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING
other than giving him an instruction
TO GET HIM TO PUT THE DISH IN THE SINK
HE WAS INDEPENDENT
HE NEEDED TO BE TOLD
BUT YOU DID NOT NEED TO
GIVE HIM SUPPORT/ PROMPTING
TO COMPLETE THE SKILL
In the Second Situation can you see that life could be easier for the person on the spectrum if they could follow directions on their own without needing any kind of support from others? However, although they could complete the task without our help, they wouldn’t know what task to do unless someone told them.
In other words, if the person lived alone, and we use the term INDEPENDENT to describe their skill level, the person would still need someone present to tell them what do next. The person would still RELY ON someone present to tell them what do next.
The Fourth Situation describes SELF-RELIANT, the highest skill level, which is higher than INDEPENDENT. In our example, to describe the skill level of someone who lives alone we would say the person can rely on him/herself to both know what to do (without being told by someone else being present) and to complete the task without needing any help from someone else.
THIRD SITUATION
You DID NOT give an
Initial Instruction
HE BEGAN
COMPLETING THE TASK ON HIS OWN,
BUT HE DID NOT FINISH IT COMPLETELY
He DID pick up the dish, took it to the sink,
but he put it on the counter.
He did not put it in the sink.
He took the dish to the sink and put it in the sink
YOU DIDN’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING
TO GET HIM TO BEGIN TAKING THE DISH TO THE SINK BUT YOU NEEDED TO SUPPORT/PROMPT HIM TO COMPLETE THE ENTIRE TASK
You watched him take the dish to the sink, and you watched him put the dish on the counter.
SO, YOU:
Pointed to the sink.
Repeated, “in the sink”
Put a different dish from the table in the sink.
Touched his shoulder to help him remember the next step of the instruction.
HE SELF-INITIATED
HE DID NOT NEED TO BE TOLD IN ORDER TO START TO COMPLETE THE SKILL
BUT YOU NEEDED TO
GIVE HIM SUPPORT/ PROMPTING
TO FINISH
COMPLETING
THE TASK
In the Third Situation he will start the skill but will ask for help (or you may notice he needs your help) when he can’t finish the task on his own.
Can you see that he might develop a greater sense of self-esteem if he could initiate following through on a choice he’s made?
With your support/prompting to complete the rest of the task, he could learn how to complete the remaining portion of the skill.
FOURTH SITUATION
You DID NOT give an
Initial Instruction
HE BEGAN
COMPLETING THE TASK ON HIS OWN,
AND HE COMPLETED THE TASK ON HIS OWN
He DID pick up the dish, took it to the sink,
And he put it in the sink.
YOU DIDN’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING
TO GET HIM TO COMPLETE THE TASK.
You watched him take the dish to the sink, and you watched him put the dish in the sink.
SELF-RELIANT
He knew what to do, started the task,
and completed it.
He relied on himself, not you, or anyone else.
HE COMPLETED THE SKILL WITHOUT BEING TOLD
AND YOU DID NOT NEED TO GIVE HIM SUPPPORT/ PROMPTING TO COMPLETE THE TASK.
In the Fourth Situation he has learned to rely on himself to choose to complete the skill without any instruction or support/prompting from anyone else. The Data indicates that he is Self-Reliant in completing this ONE skill: Put your dish in the sink.
In this fourth situation, he is more than Independent with the skill of “Putting his dish in the sink”. He is Self-Reliant with the skill of “Putting his dish in the sink.”
Below is an illustration of the Four Responses in reference to the skill of Putting on a Coat: The child might:
Need Full Support : You hold the coat open and say, “Put your coat on.” You open the coat. You guide his arms in the sleeves, and you help him zip up the coat.
Be Independent: You say, “Put your coat on.” He opens the coat. He puts his arms in the sleeves. He zips up the coat.
Self-Initiate: You DO NOT say, “Put your coat on.” because he knows when it’s time to put it on. He opens the coat. He puts his arms in the sleeves. BUT he needs your help to zip up the coat.
Be Self-Reliant: You DO NOT say, “Put your coat on.” because he knows when it’s time to put it on. He opens the coat. He puts his arms in the sleeves. He zips up the coat.
To further distinguish between INDEPENDENT and SELF-RELIANT below is a list of skills who lives alone might need to complete. A person who lives alone would need – at least for much of the day – to rely on him/herself to both know what to do (without being told by someone else being present) and to how to complete certain skills without needing any help from someone.
These are skill levels BOTH a person with a neurotypical brain or an autistic brain who lives alone might need to complete a variety of tasks. The person might:
Need Full Support : Have a friend help them organize their closets
Be Independent: Need a plumber to remind them how unclog their toilet but following through using the plunger themselves.
Self-Initiate: Rake the leaves in their back yard and then call a friend to help bag the leaves
Be Self-Reliant: Make a grocery list, take an uber, shop for groceries, and return home in an uber.
IN CONCLUSION
The Four Responses a Person with Autism can give when Completing a Skill are
Needed Full Support, Was Independent, Self-Initiated, or Was Self-Reliant